The Adventures of Lam Laminaus, Intergalactic Suicidal Valet Squid

2011-06-13 by . 0 comments

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“Space is big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that’s just peanuts to space.” – Douglas Adams

Extreme Spacewalking

There are two rules to follow when dealing with a Teladi.

  1. Always assume they are cheating you in some way.
  2. See rule number 1.

Unfortunately, it has been a while since I dealt with them and I forgot those rules (excessive consumption of the Earth variant of space fuel probably didn’t help much either).  So here I am, floating in my spacesuit in the middle of some random sector with a repair laser and very far away from Boron space.  Damn those sneaky Teladi.

Read on for: What happened 1 hour ago…

Life is tough.  I can’t do any combat missions since I don’t have any guns and shields (only half of that is my fault).  I can’t do any trading missions since my Octopus can only hold two thimble full of stuff, and that space is currently occupied by illegal goods.  I can’t do any taxi missions since there’s really no room in the cockpit for a passenger and I don’t feel like getting THAT cozy with a random stranger.  Build missions are straight out, can’t afford even a single teladianium panel much less a station.  My only option is to find a ‘think’ type mission.  Luckily, I found one at the Royal Boron Trading Station where I just upgraded my ship.  A green reptilian Teladi is willing to pay me an awesome amount of 695cr to go fetch a ship for him from a ‘nearby’ sector.  Easy peasy, I thought to myself.  If the ship turns out to be any good, I might have to ‘liberate’ it from this silly reptile.  Its his pilot’s fault for abandoning it in the first place, right?


Deridos the Lizard, not exactly a countenance that inspires trust.

I accept the mission and my hud lights up with an calculated path to where the abandoned ship is.  Simple enough, into the north gate we go!

The first zone I entered is called Sanctity of Corruption, and the very first thing I noticed is that I am no longer in Boron space.  The second thing I noticed is the rather hostile Paranid High Tech Trader that is near me.  Having no clue how I managed to piss him off, I did the most prudent thing and ran away as fast as my upgraded Octopus could take me.  Next thing I did is to pull up my pilot information to see if I can find out whats going on.  Holy crap, apparently I must’ve done something recently to seriously piss off not only the Paranid, but the Split as well as my reputation with them are both near rock bottom.  Maybe that tryst with the Priest Duke’s daughter was a bad idea after all…


A Checkered Past

Since I was busy pretending to be just another Boron and not doing anything out of the ordinary or hostile, the high tech trader completely ignored me, allowing me to continue onto the next sector, Company Strength.  Just how far away is this stupid spaceship anyway?  I’m two jump gates away and there is still no end in sight.  Two MORE sectors later (and about 40 minutes of flying time), I finally find the derelict ship hidden amongst a bunch of asteroids.  Asteroids are quite treacherous, the well lit ones you can spot from a long ways off, but in dark and murky sectors, they can sneak up on you quite fast.  Luckily, my ship is very maneuverable and I am able to negotiate my way up to the derelict ship.

Ship hiding behind some asteroids.

It turned out to be a stupid Teladi Harrier (Teladi ships tend to be super slow, and thus worthless to me) that was half damaged.  So I have to hop out of my ship to claim the silly thing and then spend another 5 minutes repairing it into shape so it has enough speed to make it back before the mission deadline.  That was so totally not worth the 695 credits being offered.  I was quite tempted to just sell the ship, but unfortunately the shipyards were far away and I didn’t want to spend the time pacing the slow ship all the way to the shipyard.  After ordering the autopilot of the harrier to land at the trading station, I decide to have a little fun by altering the name of the ship before relinquishing it.  At least this way anyone who deals with Deridos Yoganis Trantaeos III in the future will know what kind of lizard they are dealing with.

A little payback.

The only benefit of this little side trip was the discovery of the Boron Equipment Dock in Queen’s Retribution where I can upgrade my Octopus, if only I had some money.  Time to get busy with some more quests.

Three hours and a whole bunch of ship recovery and follow the ship quests later, I finally managed to save up the 50k necessary to fully outfit my Octopus:


Firepower level equivalent of a small gnat

It is time to start causing some mischief.

Next entry: Its all fun and games until someone gets slagged by plasma.

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